2008

“Q: What is a DJ’s favorite vegetable? A: BEETS!...”

En Francais...

I went to have brunch at this fancy French restaurant that I heard had amazing french toast. But...

Coen Brohahas

Ever since my grandpa immigrated, he stopped being superstitious. He would always say, “I am...

“Q: What do you call a ‘Famous Amos’ cookie that...”
— (lolereallybad?)

Split PersonLOLity

My other personality has a much lower voice than the one I usually use. That’s why I refer to...

QQ: Do you think birds don't eat while flying...

Lucky Numbers 3, 8, 10, 11, 12, 29

My fortune cookie just said, “Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of...

QQ: How much do you think one CENTaur would...

Beards.

Some of my dude friends are unable to grow facial hair. I think this is sort of cute, but I suspect...

“Q: Why did my favorite pair of shoes get arrested for drug...”

If it suits you...

I have always wonderd this about people that work in tuxedo shops: When a customer enters the store,...

“Q: How does a punny person ask their hair stylist to cut...”

Portland...

Do you think that people from Oregon live in a constant state of mild suspense? Mostly because of...

“Q: Why do really nice people like hanging out at the...”

Quack-A-Laugh

If I had two geese that liked to complain a lot as pets, I would be sure to name them both Louise....

“Someone brought a cheese platter to a recent potluck. It was...”

I am crazy excited about the lunar eclipse tonight! You...

“Q: What do lady philosophers look for, when dating gentlemen...”

Night Laugh

My initials are PM. You could say that I am quite the Night Owl. (what a HOOT?)

“Q: How does a boy scout fall in love? A: By tying the...”
— Happy Heart Day!

Barky Breakfast

In celebration of Uno, the first Beagle in the history of the Wesminster Dog Show to ever win Best...

“Q: If sports teams in the United States get in trouble for...”

Red Laugh

I was born in a communist country, and growing up things were often rough. But my parents always...

“Q: What does a pessimistic horse say? A: I would think...”

Catty Laugh

I wish there was a band called “None Of Your Business.” I would listen to them on my...

“Q: Isn’t it Fe-ic?* Q: Don’t you think?”
— *Will only get if you are a...

Comedic Coincidence

Lately I have been a little bit nervous because I do not have health insurance. Specifically, dental...

“Q: What does a claustrophobic cow say? A: Moooooo-ve over,...”

Winter Math Equation (Transitive...

Bears heart honey. Bears = hibernation hibernation = zzzzzz bees make honey. bees =...

“Q: What do you call a really really cool real estate...”

Pelvic To Be Square!

Thanks to my pal Amanda for reminding me that I had made up this joke. It was truly a forgotten gem:...

“I heard that Darth Vader’s sister *hated* taking the...”